It Feels So Real
OCD Can Make You Believe Things That Aren’t Real
Hello Everyone,
I usually plan my blog posts weeks in advance and then try to follow my schedule, but this week, however, a particular comment made by one of my OCD clients struck me as something I should expand upon. I think it captured many of the challenges people face when dealing with a particular version of OCD.
What If I Did Hit That Father and His Child?
The comment was the title of this blog post “It Feels So Real!” This client’s OCD was hit-and-run OCD wherein he feared that he was at risk of hitting and killing people that he was passing on the street with his car. The worst possible outcome was striking a parent and a toddler and killing both of them and so, of course, this is the exact thing his OCD made him fear he had done. This client had the usual response to this type of OCD of carefully checking the area where he feared he had struck the father and child, repeatedly driving back around the area looking for bodies and then spending hours and, at times, even days afterwards worrying about what he might have done.
Am I a Monster?
In this client’s case there was a particularly painful addition in that he also came to the conclusion that he probably is a “monster” because of these awful things he fears he had done. This conclusion wasn’t just a logical conclusion, he actually “felt” like he was a monster and this is the most painful part of how OCD impacts him. Of course, and as is virtually always the case, there was zero evidence that he had done any of the things he feared he had done, but nonetheless he was left with this feeling of being this horrific, dangerous monster.
Am I Living for the Devil?
I’ve encountered numerous clients with similar fears. I recall very clearly working with several young mothers who feared that they could sexually molest their young children and mothers who had a terrifying fear that they could actually physically harm their young children. I’ve seen a number of young men who feared they were serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer as well as devout Christian clients who feared that they were “living for the devil.”
While worrying you didn’t lock the door or that your hands are contaminated can be terribly disturbing and easily lead to extra checking and extra washing, they do not have the additional burden of thinking you are a monster and the accompanying burden of guilt and shame. In some extreme cases clients with this version of OCD will be so convinced that they are a monster and are at risk of acting on their thought/feeligs, that they attempt suicide. Sadly, some of these attempts are successful and they end their lives.
Being Punished for a Crime You Didn’t Commit
As I’ve written about before, OCD is full of all sorts of tricks and distortions but this particular distortion seems more devastating than some of the others. And, ironically, the typical client with these fears is virtually never the kind of person who would actually commit these kinds of acts. Of course, and sadly, there are people in the world who do things like this, but when it comes to a client suffering from this type of OCD they are the least likely person to act on these thoughts. Yet they still carry the burden of guilt and shame. They are being punished and feel the guilt and shame for a crime they didn’t commit.
So How Can I Manage This Type of OCD?
To address this type of OCD my client must come to be skeptical of what his mind is telling him and what he is “feeling”…much easier said than done. Understanding that this type of OCD actually exists and how it can trick someone into believing what it is telling him is the start of treatment. Many clients find some relief in just knowing there are other ways to understand where these thoughts and feelings come from.
Of course, since OCD is full of doubt and uncertainty, it is very difficult to trust that these thoughts and feelings come from OCD and can safely be disregarded, but overcoming this version of OCD requires taking what will feel like a big chance and not trusting these thoughts and feelings. I have written elsewhere about how to work with this type of OCD and my purpose here is not necessarily to repeat what I’ve already written about, but to highlight how OCD can make you feel and think something that simply isn’t true. You can read some of my previous posts about how to treat this type of OCD and here are some excellent books/resources on this topic.
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As always, let me know if you have any questions and if I can be of any help. This post is for educational purposes only and isn’t meant to substitute for therapy. If you are struggling with any of the above issues please find and work with a qualified therapist.
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Stay safe,
Dr Bob
