One of OCD's Favorite Tricks

       One of OCD’s Favorite Tricks!

OCD has many tricks, maneuvers and distortions that keep you repeating your compulsions over and over, and one of the subtler ones is that the minute you don’t want a thought/feeling/urge then, guess what, you have that thought/feeling/urge!  And the less you want it and the more you resist it…the more you get it! This is especially relevant when the type of OCD is the Intrusive Thought version – usually unwanted sexual or harming thoughts about an inappropriate or vulnerable target. 

                                             A Vicious Cycle

Let’s say you’re plagued by thoughts of harming your mother and you’re terrified because you believe having this thought means you might actually act on this thought and really hurt your mother. Now when you’re faced with a real danger – such as a mugger who you think is in the alley you’re walking down – you are scanning/watching for the danger, frequently checking all around you so you can see the mugger in case he/she attacks you. If we apply the same technique to your thoughts, then you should keep checking your mind for these “dangerous” thoughts. Checking for the thoughts means thinking of the thoughts which means you do find the feared thought, which, of course, scares you to death because you’ve now found the very thing you hoped you wouldn’t find and you’re more convinced than ever you will hurt your mother. This now heightened anxiety leads to more careful monitoring/checking of your mind for the feared thought and the process repeats itself over and over.

                                           So What Do We Do?

So what to do? If checking for the feared thoughts leads to more anxiety and uncertainty, is the next logical step to stop checking for the thoughts? If you are a responsible conscientious person (and virtually all people with OCD would fit this description) and you believe these thoughts represent a real threat toward your mother, then how can you in good conscience ignore these thoughts, even if the threat is you? Maybe you will snap and suddenly attack your mother. There could be a hidden dark side of you that is lurking in the shadows just waiting to pounce. You need to be vigilant to protect your mother. We’ve all heard stories of people who have “snapped” and attacked a loved one, how can you be sure you aren’t like that? Here you have been presented with another of OCD’s tricks (there are many of them!). 

                                   Prove To Me You Won’t Do It

OCD is asking you to prove you won’t do something, and I would ask you to prove to me (or someone else more available) that you won’t do something in the next hour. With clients I often ask them to prove to me that they won’t, in the next moment, walk over and slap me. They can easily prove they haven’t done that in the past hour, but it is totally impossible to prove they won’t do something in the next few minutes, hour, day, week…and by the way no one has ever slapped me!

                          The More You Think, The Deeper You Sink

So here you are – you have these thoughts about hurting your mother and you keep scanning your mind to be sure those thoughts aren’t there which, of course, puts the thoughts there. You’re worried that the thoughts mean you’re going to hurt your mother and so you try to prove to yourself that you won’t act on the thoughts and since that is impossible, you get more and more frantic that maybe you really are a serial killer after all!! This is one of the conundrums OCD presents for people and once you’re entangled in this quicksand it is difficult to find a way out. The more you struggle the deeper you get sucked into the quicksand. I didn’t originate this quote but it sure fits this situation: “The more you think, the deeper you sink!”

                        How To Get Untangled From Your Thoughts

I believe recognizing what is happening is the first step to getting untangled. Developing the ability to step outside of the “OCD bubble” and observe your thoughts from the outside. Somewhat like being in the audience watching a play. The actors are your thoughts and you are in the audience watching. Recognize the futility of checking for the presence of the feared thoughts and stop the checking. That will bring you into contact with the idea (noted above) that, if you’re a responsible person and love your mother, you “should” keep checking and you will almost certainly feel guilty if you don’t check. Once again, I believe knowing of this trap will help you not be tricked by it. You must stop checking and take the chance (And yes I know this is so easy to say but so much harder to actually do!). And expect that when you stop the checking you will feel lots of anxiety because you will feel like you’re not doing what you should be doing to protect your mother. Recognize that feeling guilty is one of OCD’s tricks to keep you locked into doing your compulsions. You need to act as if the thoughts don’t mean anything…because they don’t!! This is what ERP looks like for this version of OCD - having the thought (exposure) and not responding (response prevention). Giving the thoughts meaning is part of the problem…they’re just thoughts!!

I hope you find these tips useful and let me know if you have any questions. As always, let me know if I can be of any help and I’m happy to answer any questions you might have. This post isn’t meant as a substitute for therapy and so if you’re struggling with anxiety/OCD please consult a qualified therapist.

If you know someone who might benefit from this post, please forward it to them and if someone was kind enough to forward this post to you and you’re interested in subscribing you can go here. And have a good week.

Best,

DrBob