10 Tips for Managing Anxiety
Hi Everyone,
It’s been quite a while since I wrote a post, but I’m now back and intend to once again post weekly. I’ve had some big projects that I’ve been working on and that’s why I haven’t been posting. More on that later in this post.
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10 Tips for Managing Anxiety
I saw a new client recently and asked one of my usual opening questions for a new client “Tell me what it is you most want to accomplish by working with me”, and my new client responded (as most new clients do) with “I want to learn how to control my anxiety”. I think this reflects a fundamental mistake in how people are thinking about how to better manage their anxiety. If the goal is to” get rid of” or “control” anxiety I think we’re heading off in the wrong direction so I often will offer a different perspective to make sure that the new client and I are on the same page. That perspective is that it’s not helpful to try and “get rid of” or “control” anxiety.
First of all anxiety is a normal emotion that all of us will experience from time to time and so it’s not possible to get rid of it entirely. In fact one of my colleagues often said the only way to completely get rid of anxiety is to be dead! Secondly, I’m convinced that efforts to “control” anxiety will virtually always backfire and cause more anxiety. The more we try to control anxiety the more we get anxious about our anxiety and thus the problem gets worse. A typical example might be someone who has panic disorder and is very worried that they might have another panic attack. Perhaps after drinking a cup of coffee with some caffeine or climbing some stairs and getting slightly out of breath they notice that they are feeling a bit jittery and/or their heart is going a little faster than normal. Since they associate these feelings with past panic attacks, they start worrying that these sensations may be signs of an impending panic attack and probably try to control/stop the escalation of their anxiety. The more they try to stop these sensations, the stronger they get, and they feel even more jittery and out of breath and you can see where it’s headed. Many people try and use “coping tools” for their anxiety by which they mean ways to stop or control their anxiety such as relaxation or diaphragm breathing and though I’m not against trying either of these methods, I don’t think they are the most effective long term tools. A posture of willingness and acceptance towards anxiety will usually be more effective in the long run. One of the early pioneers in the anxiety field, Claire Weekes, would encourage her anxious clients to “drift and float” through their anxiety attacks.
So here are 10 tips for ways to think about and manage anxiety that, in the long run are likely to be more effective than trying to control or eliminate your anxiety:
You must face whatever you’re afraid of.
Avoidance almost always makes anxiety worse in the long run/
Avoidance can be physically avoiding something, like avoiding bridges if you’re afraid of bridges, but can also be avoiding sensations for fear they will lead to anxiety (or panic) such as your heart beating faster or feeling jittery.
It is often your effort to avoid anxiety that is the problem, not the anxiety itself.
Acceptance and willingness are your best allies in your struggle with anxiety.
Acceptance doesn’t mean “I’ll accept the anxiety so it will go away” - it really means being willing to feel anxiety and still live your life the way you want to.
Willingness means being willing to let the anxiety be there but not let it be in charge of how you live your life.
Living the life you want is the goal - and if that means having some anxiety, then so be it.
Anxiety isn’t your enemy - it’s like a guard dog that is trying to protect you but he mistakes the mailman (something harmless) for a burglar (something dangerous).
Talking about anxiety is rarely enough to solve the problem, exposure is usually the answer (or at least most of the answer).
I hope you find these tips useful and let me know if you have any questions. As always, let me know if I can be of any help and I’m happy to answer any questions you might have. This post isn’t meant as a substitute for therapy and so if you’re struggling with anxiety/OCD please consult a qualified therapist.
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I mentioned above that I’ve been working on a new project. I’ve been (slowly!) been creating an online course which is designed to help people with the checking subtype of OCD. My plan is to create courses for each of the four major types of OCD (checking, contamination, just right and intrusive thought OCD) and this is the first of those courses. I’m close to finishing the course and am looking for about 5 to 10 people who would be willing to take the beta version of the course and give me some specific feedback on what they liked and didn’t like about what I’ve created so far. I will then use the feedback to improve and finish the course.
I will offer the beta version to these people for free in exchange for the following:
Take the course within a specific timeline.
Provide me specific written feedback for each section, what’s good, what could change and overall general impressions.
Be willing to attend 1-2 zoom calls to hear your feedback, answer questions and collect additional information.
Provide written and video feedback/testimonials of the positive elements of the course (to be used in marketing the course).
If you’re interested in reviewing the beta version of my course (thank you!), please email me at mclellarn@anxiety-treatments.com and I’ll get back to you.
Stay well,
Dr Bob